Taming the Alpha Dog
For people who tend to dominate meetings: How to identify yourself as an Alpha Dog, and tips to change. *For meeting moderators with Alpha Dogs participating: Tips to running successful meetings, ensuring that everyone gets to say what they would like to. How do you handle phone meetings? IRC meetings? *What is it's an Alpha Dog moderating the meeting? How can you encourage someone who wants to speak to be a good moderator? *You know an Alpha Dog, who is unaware of his condition: How can you tell him, and help him reform his ways? Add notes here! RAW NOTES: Taming the Alpha Dog Session Leader: Dave Neary, dneary@free.fr Table 4, 3pm Note taker: Jane Wells, jane@wordpress.org Attendees: Dave Neary Michael Durney OpenMKS nxcamp Richard Meinsen CDG Berlin Tierry Carrez Lance Albertson OSU OSL Ross Turk inctank Dawn Foster - Intel Jane Wells Amy Scaravada Rich Claussen Langdon White Stefano Maffull - Openstack Dan Allen - Red Hat Leslie Hawthorne - Red Hat Amy Samarna Ben Sarah White - Fedora Jacob Redding PaulI -M Stephanie Taylor Raise hand to speak Know when you are dominating cultural bias in school to raise hand What can you do in a meeting to stop someone from dominating Amy: Abolish handraising Jane: shut up! Raise hand stays facilitator calls on raised hands, but if someone is dominating... Amy uses peer pressure in group to decide if need to stop Steffano: slow down conversation if online so others can jump in Jane: nacin trac tickets throttle yourself Jane: if someone won't let go of the couch, what do you do? Leslie: Is this what you're saying? Great! next? Stefano: tweet this :) Blonde Jane: What if it's just a chat that's gone way off base? Dave: Natural alpha takes mantle of leader, s/he takes 1/2 the airtime Langdon: taught it helps to just shut up when you want to talk, 9/10 times it will build better vibe around table Amy: stack the list/handraises to keep track of who will speak next (like conference calls) 2 Jacob: How do you stack online? Like in comments? Huge longwinded arguments etc? Leslie: contact directly - praise passion, ask to chill out to help discussion broaden Ross: Talk radio: turn off the mic, not friendly but works Stefano: direct their enegry to something else they can do BUT->AND->can you do something Michael: Bozo in forums (Jane confirms) Langdon: group calls, pre-meeting, goal, point person to tell people to move on etc. if not sticking to team goal Dawn: 1 on 1 coaching when epople don't realize that they're being too long winded & no one is reading it Dave: keep looking around Ross: want to be vacilitators? Nope Leslie: taking notes means taking control of the conversation in the end - meetings - use red card, yellow card, etc ground rules - how much time each person gets Richard: see yourself as a leader or an organizer, coordination Ross: my job is not to lead but to identify & grow other leaders Dawn: problem if I'm too frequently posting b/c I shouldn't be the loudest voice Jane: having lots of knowledge & being asked a lot of stuff? ask a lot of questions yourself to invite others to share instead of just being the answer person Dan Allen: What can they tell me, rather than me just giving them info on mailing list, feel lazy b/c not participating sometimes, fight feeling of letting people down Dave: should we call ourselves community *manager*? what is right level of activity on our part? leading by example is important, but if you'r eleading and you need followers - otherwise just a man taking a walk Stefano: How do you train yourself? leading, nurturing, etc. Russ: Make mistakes Lance: observe others Dave: How are you self-aware - do you know when mistakes made 3 Leslie: hashmarks when I talk. If page too covered, I need to shut up Dave: telling someone to slow down might make them leave blue hair: make them understand, don't manipulate Russ: Sometimes I don't feel other people stepping up like I want to, so go alpha Dawn: Fine to have convo on how intensive it is (ref: Paula's book) give people a few chances & tell how can do better Langdon: 'dead air' anxiety is cultural to north eastern US. half second of ?? is space that needs filling. Other places don't have that. Dave: negotiating tactic - dead air Thierry: someone pops up @ middle as alpha Dave: how do you involve people who are quiet? don't want to call out or put on spot Jane: we ask them if they want to tal, still agree -: back channel in IRC or etherpad amy: how does that fit into the real meeting -: depends on the format, but might get brought up in real channel Dan: can see what people thinking in the channel Langdon: jump in to raise the channel issues/comments Dave: Jane, how doe calling people out Jane: We try to keep it supportive Michael: in opopsite - what about elephant in room Leslie: "I know we don't want to talk about 'awful thing' but it's hampering project, I feel this way" Ross: use humor Jacob: Same as Lesli4e, be blunt or funny, don't inore. but when shy people not willing to be in line of fire w/target on chest Dawn: helps to express frustration - get it out in open & be honest 4 Langdon Changing channels of communication can help (delayed response vs. IRC etc) Jane: some comment on blog more than IRC but not that big deal Jacob: why do people complain after instead of participating at the time of meeting (like D8) Paul M: back to different channels having different effects Jacob: Do you force complainers to use official channels Dawn: depends on motivations. Being passive aggressive = bad, but some people just take time to process their opinion = good because they are really thinking about it. Leslie: encourage back channelers to join real channel to affect decision & take responsibility that to have impact on decision you have to shut up "don't hide behind introverted label" Stefano: disruptive people -> attacking decision or decision making process? Jane?: If immed. after meeting, probably passive aggressive. get them into real meeting. if thoguhtful, post later Dave: you have to manage confrontational person based on behavior Michael Dexter: Aspergers or assholes? Rich Michaels Smaller groups instead of larger groups & more likely for more feedback/participation. backchannels in IRC = safer space Dawn: We push for decisions too soon, when there are dominators people need more time to think Langdon: if a thread is going too far afield, bringthem back & set up a new meeting for new thing Dave: People remember different things from meeting after the fact Stefano: How o we make devs not hate meetings 5 Amy: love facilitation because people can be more creative when they know the boundaries Dave: how to have better meetings? Jane?: Agenda - what decisions should be made by end Langdon: too many people/broad/width takes too long to get to the part that applies to you Dave: how od you avoid meetings with too wide scope Dan: if agenda, can speak up in advance Dawn: have purpose of meeting set in advnace. "general communication" is not a purpose Rich: take page from standups. have a moment for each person quickly Ross: do email in meeting if purpose not clearly defined Dave: on phone calls, we do email, etc. if not relevant meeting context "human retweet" = Leslie hand gestures